World-seasoned educator shares knowledge with Ottawa
Staff Writer
If there is was just one line that would sum up Maria Khani’s perspective on the role of parents in their children’s lives, she says it’s this one, found written on a t-shirt during one of her many trips:
"Don’t blame me, blame my parents!"
In other words, parents are responsible for how their children turn out, says the educator, activist, and world-traveler.
Khani, who currently resides in the U.S., was in Ottawa on a personal visit in May and she offered to share her experiences and reflections with the community.
An engaging storyteller, Khani filled the ears of audiences with advice ranging from how to make your child love to get up in the morning (without wanting to hit you with a pillow), to how to instill a love of Islam in his or her heart.
Here’s are some of her tips:
1- Play
Quoting a saying of Imam Ali, may God be pleased with him, where he says children should be played with until the age of seven, after which they are disciplined for a further seven years, and then befriended for the next seven years, Khani suggest ways to do it.
For example, prayer times should be a time of great joy for young children, not something that is rushed. Parents can tickle and play on the prayer mat and display affection before starting, so that children have a positive association with this important ritual.
2- Love
Parents can nurture love within the home and love for Allah and His Prophet through gentleness and warmth.
Pick up the Quran, take your child in your arms and read together. Ask him or her to point out words they know or that you want them to learn.
Move beyond memorization alone, and capture your child’s imagination by telling them the stories that would make a typical fairy tale pale in comparison. Flying creatures? Al-Buraq. Miraculous objects? A Pen, which wrote about everything that would happen. Look for topics that would engage children – study the animals in the Quran and work on crafts that relate back.
Make the adhan a fixture in your home.
3- Encouragement & Support
Respect is key to the success of any family, and translates to communities where children are heard and are encouraged to participate. This starts at home. Parents should make time for their children – why do teachers often know more about our own children than we do? If that’s the case, more time with your child is in order.
Respect your child’s needs. No one likes to get up in the morning and immediately head to work, for example. Give children at least one hour and a half before they have to leave the house, or start an activity. How best to wake them up? Massage them, kiss them – make waking up a bonding activity that everyone looks forward to. Make sure children are well fed before starting the day.
4- Teach generosity
Encourage children to share with others. Only buy them what theyneed, not what they want. Let them give of their time and their effort, and they will soon prefer to give, rather than receive.
5- Muslim versus mainstream
Make Eid an awesome party. Talk about the point of celebrating achievements – for birthdays, celebrate mothers who achieved giving birth and raising children! Show how every day is St. Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, through promoting love and respect in the family.
Teach about sensitive issues – like sex education – through references to the Qur’an and Sunnah (which a parent can slowly impart between grades 4 to 7). Other health topics from the Seerahinclude information on how to keep bodies clean.
For daughters, show the honour of hijab, emphasizing its beauty as something a woman voluntarily does for the sake of Allah. Mothers should talk about how they feel about their hijab, and share their own experiences with it.
6- Father’s Role
Parents should consult each other on how to raise their children. In Surah Al Baqarah, Allah Talks about the decision to wean a child as one that both parents should make.
". . . but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them," (Quran, Chapter 2, verse 233)
Nowadays, many fathers have given up this responsibility, but it is important for them to remain involved in the upbringing of their children.
7- Remember the goal
When Prophet Zachariah called on God to grant him a son, he wanted someone to carry on the Prophetic tradition. The aim of having a child was to raise someone up who would carry on the mantle of righteousness.
"And surely I fear my cousins after me, and my wife is barren, therefore grant me from Thyself an heir, Who should inherit me and inherit from the children of Yaqoub, and make him, my Lord, one in whom Thou art well pleased." (Quran, Chapter 19, verses 5-6)
Remember, Prophet Noah lost his son because his son’s actions had cut him off from his own father (which shows that ultimately, even the best parent cannot be sure of the outcomes.)
"[God] said: O Nuh! surely he is not of your family; surely he is (the doer of) other than good deeds, therefore ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge; surely I admonish you lest you may be of the ignorant. "(Quran, Chapter 11, verse 46)
Raise your children with love and kindness, and pray that God will save us all.
