15 Tips to Raising Great Children

Assalamu Allaykum dear Parents,

Hopefully you and your family have found more time for reading this vacation. Here is a lovely article that is widely distributed on the Internet. I found it quite useful and I hope you will also find benefit, insha'Allah.

Tr. Amira

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"Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family. With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.
By showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of God and our Prophet (may peace be upon him). Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values:

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples: Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents' praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Avoid spoiling them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries.. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Maintain respect: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn't work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn't feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say "this is haraam, that is haraam". While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full [has lots] of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don't take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero."

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May God Guide us and our children on the Straight and Righteous path.

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Report cards coming up!

Assalamu Allaykum Dear Parents,

Report cards will be distributed this Friday, insha'Allah, with an option for you to speak to teachers about the results the following week.

In the meantime, I thought the following article was useful --- though I don't think it should only be for those who feel their child received a "bad" report card, but because I think that all parents should take the final quotation to heart: “The goal for schools and parents is to help students find where their strengths are . . .It doesn’t mean to say you can’t participate in all the things you’re not number one at because number one isn’t the goal. The number one goal is to find our strengths, participate in as much as possible and love where we’re going.”

I encourage parents to talk to their children about their expectations, results and how to look ahead to the future. Insha'Allah, report cards should be a moment of reflection and supportive goal-setting.

From:

http://www.tvo.org/cfmx/tvoorg/tvoparents/index.cfm?page_id=145&action=article&article_title_url=TalkingtoYourKidsaboutaBadReportCard&article_id=5760

Talking to Your Kids about a Bad Report Card

It may happen. Your child brings home a report card with grades or comments that disappoint or discourage. How do you talk to your kid when this happens?

First, prepare yourself in advance and learn more about report cards and what they represent. Then, get into a positive frame of mind. Whether the report card is good or bad, the report card itself is a starting point for conversation between the parent and child, and the parent and teacher, says Annie Kidder, Executive Director of the People for Education.

Children also absorb the way their parents react to situations. “Parents need to be very careful in ‘punishing’ their children for bad grades,” says Lin Fang, an Assistant Professor in the Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto. “Instead of simply taking away children’s play time, it’ll be far more constructive for parents to help children make an action plan.” Michael Byrne, Principal of Churchill Public School in the Toronto District School Board also explains that some children, especially younger ones, may not even understand what a letter grade ‘C’ means unless an adult tells them. So he suggests that parents focus on progression and make goals for improvement.

Here are seven tips to initiate that conversation with your child:

1. Know when to expect the report card

Anticipate report card time, says Fang. In Ontario, report cards are sent home in December, March and June.

2. Stay Calm

It may seem obvious, but it’s important to remain calm and not get frustrated, says Fang.

3. No Surprises

Parents and teachers should already have been in contact about any challenges a student is experiencing. “I think there should be no such thing as a bad report card, in the sense that there should be no surprises,” says Byrne. If there are surprises, that should be a motivation for parents to contact the teacher.

4. Celebrate the Positive

Some parents are easily drawn to bad marks on a report card, says Fang. “Parents should always try to find something good,” she says. “It varies from person to person, but parents should look for anything good.”

Byrne encourages parents to celebrate the positive. “For the majority of our children, there’s a lot to celebrate,” he says. “We have to focus on that while putting in all the strategies and supports in place to make sure the other areas are taken care of. But the reality is that we’re not all multitalented.”

Here’s a way to focus on the positive with your child, says Byrne: “I see from your report card that you’re having trouble in math. But look at your music mark! Your music mark is an A. You know what? All music is, is math with instruments.”

5. Identify the Issues

Kidder suggests parents and children should read report cards together. “It’s a good way to understand the report card and to have an all-important conversation with your child,” she says. “It gives you something concrete to have the conversation around. You can have it with a four year old or a ten year old.”

She suggests these questions: “Tell me what you in each of these subjects do so I can understand the report card. What do you think about this mark? Do you understand why got this mark? Is there some specific area that’s causing you to struggle?”

When you start a conversation with your child, it does two things, Kidder explains. It helps parents understand the report card and it develops engagement between parent and child.

6. Talk with the Teacher

It’s most important to use the report card and the subsequent conversation with a child to inform the parent-teacher conference.

“Nothing that’s on this piece of paper can ever replace or even come close to the actual sit down time, and talking with the teacher,” says Byrne. The comments on the report card come from a standard comment bank and cannot completely articulate how a child is doing in school, he says. But at the parent-teacher conference, two adults can share information and discuss what’s happening in school and how a child is doing.

“Consistent bad marks on the reports cards may also signal some deeper issues,” says Fang. A child may have special learning needs or severe test anxiety. “At schools, there are supports to help those children in terms of remediation,” says Byrne. If grades continue to slide once supports are in place, there’s perhaps a need for enhanced support, or there may be some building blocks missing in numeracy or literacy, says Byrne.

7. The Report Card is a Tool for Starting Conversation

Ultimately, the report card is a tool for starting a conversation between parents, students and schools. “The goal for schools and parents is to help students find where their strengths are,” says Byrne. “It doesn’t mean to ay you can’t participate in all the things you’re not number one at because number one isn’t the goal. The number one goal is to find our strengths, participate in as much as possible and love where we’re going.”