15 Tips to Raising Great Children

Assalamu Allaykum dear Parents,

Hopefully you and your family have found more time for reading this vacation. Here is a lovely article that is widely distributed on the Internet. I found it quite useful and I hope you will also find benefit, insha'Allah.

Tr. Amira

* * * * *

"Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family. With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.
By showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of God and our Prophet (may peace be upon him). Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values:

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples: Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents' praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Avoid spoiling them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries.. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Maintain respect: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn't work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn't feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say "this is haraam, that is haraam". While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full [has lots] of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don't take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero."

* * * *

May God Guide us and our children on the Straight and Righteous path.

Story and Writing Games!

http://pbskids.org/readingrainbow/games/index.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/magickey/adventures/patch_game.shtml

http://www.oswego.org/ocsd-web/match/matchgeneric.asp?filename=msmith5sentence1

http://www.oswego.org/ocsd-web/match/dragflip.asp?filename=msmith5allcaps

Spelling Games

Try it out these fun spelling games to help you read and write!

http://www.netrover.com/~kingskid/Safari/safari.htm

http://www.eduplace.com/kids/sv/books/content/smg/index.html?grade=2&unit=6

http://www.eduplace.com/kids/sv/applications/wordfind/index.html?grade=2&unit=1

http://www.eduplace.com/kids/sv/applications/wordfind/index.html?grade=2&unit=2

http://www.readwritethink.org/materials/picturematch/

Report cards coming up!

Assalamu Allaykum Dear Parents,

Report cards will be distributed this Friday, insha'Allah, with an option for you to speak to teachers about the results the following week.

In the meantime, I thought the following article was useful --- though I don't think it should only be for those who feel their child received a "bad" report card, but because I think that all parents should take the final quotation to heart: “The goal for schools and parents is to help students find where their strengths are . . .It doesn’t mean to say you can’t participate in all the things you’re not number one at because number one isn’t the goal. The number one goal is to find our strengths, participate in as much as possible and love where we’re going.”

I encourage parents to talk to their children about their expectations, results and how to look ahead to the future. Insha'Allah, report cards should be a moment of reflection and supportive goal-setting.

From:

http://www.tvo.org/cfmx/tvoorg/tvoparents/index.cfm?page_id=145&action=article&article_title_url=TalkingtoYourKidsaboutaBadReportCard&article_id=5760

Talking to Your Kids about a Bad Report Card

It may happen. Your child brings home a report card with grades or comments that disappoint or discourage. How do you talk to your kid when this happens?

First, prepare yourself in advance and learn more about report cards and what they represent. Then, get into a positive frame of mind. Whether the report card is good or bad, the report card itself is a starting point for conversation between the parent and child, and the parent and teacher, says Annie Kidder, Executive Director of the People for Education.

Children also absorb the way their parents react to situations. “Parents need to be very careful in ‘punishing’ their children for bad grades,” says Lin Fang, an Assistant Professor in the Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto. “Instead of simply taking away children’s play time, it’ll be far more constructive for parents to help children make an action plan.” Michael Byrne, Principal of Churchill Public School in the Toronto District School Board also explains that some children, especially younger ones, may not even understand what a letter grade ‘C’ means unless an adult tells them. So he suggests that parents focus on progression and make goals for improvement.

Here are seven tips to initiate that conversation with your child:

1. Know when to expect the report card

Anticipate report card time, says Fang. In Ontario, report cards are sent home in December, March and June.

2. Stay Calm

It may seem obvious, but it’s important to remain calm and not get frustrated, says Fang.

3. No Surprises

Parents and teachers should already have been in contact about any challenges a student is experiencing. “I think there should be no such thing as a bad report card, in the sense that there should be no surprises,” says Byrne. If there are surprises, that should be a motivation for parents to contact the teacher.

4. Celebrate the Positive

Some parents are easily drawn to bad marks on a report card, says Fang. “Parents should always try to find something good,” she says. “It varies from person to person, but parents should look for anything good.”

Byrne encourages parents to celebrate the positive. “For the majority of our children, there’s a lot to celebrate,” he says. “We have to focus on that while putting in all the strategies and supports in place to make sure the other areas are taken care of. But the reality is that we’re not all multitalented.”

Here’s a way to focus on the positive with your child, says Byrne: “I see from your report card that you’re having trouble in math. But look at your music mark! Your music mark is an A. You know what? All music is, is math with instruments.”

5. Identify the Issues

Kidder suggests parents and children should read report cards together. “It’s a good way to understand the report card and to have an all-important conversation with your child,” she says. “It gives you something concrete to have the conversation around. You can have it with a four year old or a ten year old.”

She suggests these questions: “Tell me what you in each of these subjects do so I can understand the report card. What do you think about this mark? Do you understand why got this mark? Is there some specific area that’s causing you to struggle?”

When you start a conversation with your child, it does two things, Kidder explains. It helps parents understand the report card and it develops engagement between parent and child.

6. Talk with the Teacher

It’s most important to use the report card and the subsequent conversation with a child to inform the parent-teacher conference.

“Nothing that’s on this piece of paper can ever replace or even come close to the actual sit down time, and talking with the teacher,” says Byrne. The comments on the report card come from a standard comment bank and cannot completely articulate how a child is doing in school, he says. But at the parent-teacher conference, two adults can share information and discuss what’s happening in school and how a child is doing.

“Consistent bad marks on the reports cards may also signal some deeper issues,” says Fang. A child may have special learning needs or severe test anxiety. “At schools, there are supports to help those children in terms of remediation,” says Byrne. If grades continue to slide once supports are in place, there’s perhaps a need for enhanced support, or there may be some building blocks missing in numeracy or literacy, says Byrne.

7. The Report Card is a Tool for Starting Conversation

Ultimately, the report card is a tool for starting a conversation between parents, students and schools. “The goal for schools and parents is to help students find where their strengths are,” says Byrne. “It doesn’t mean to ay you can’t participate in all the things you’re not number one at because number one isn’t the goal. The number one goal is to find our strengths, participate in as much as possible and love where we’re going.”

Media Literacy - Internet Marketing

In-Class:

Create a cool internet site for a children's cereal:

http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/special_initiatives/games/coco/flash/start.html

Too much homework? Interesting article - feedback always welcome!

November 17, 2009
Family negotiates homework ban
By Erin AnderssenFrom Wednesday's Globe and Mail

Faced with frenzied nights and kids overloaded with work, the Milleys decided to take matters into their own hands

Shelli and Tom Milley were exhausted by the weepy weeknight struggles over math problems and writing assignments with their three school-aged children. They were fed up with rushing home from soccer practice or speed skating only to stand over their kids tossing out answers so they could finish and get to bed.

And don't even get them started on the playground that their daughter, Brittany, had to build in Grade 3 from recycled materials, complete with moving parts. Or the time their eldest son, Jay, was told to cut pictures of $1-million worth of consumer goods from a catalogue.

So last week, after two years of trying to change the homework policy at the children's school, the two Calgary lawyers finally negotiated a unique legal contract: their kids will never have to do homework again.

"We have struggled constantly as a family with excessive amounts of homework," said Ms. Milley, who left her practice to stay home with her children. "We just blindly accepted the way it was."

But after many long stressful nights of getting 18-year-old Jay through his high school homework, they weren't prepared to repeat history with Spencer, 11, and Brittany, 10. Being lawyers, she and her husband decided to make it official.

The "differentiated homework plan" spells out the responsibilities of the students: to get their work done in class, to come to school prepared, and prep for quizzes. But their teachers will have to mark them based on what they do in class, and cannot send work home that factors into their grades.

For the Milleys, this means a school year that would make many homework-stricken parents envious: they are free to hang out as family without long division and English comprehension questions hanging over their heads.

“It was a constant homework battle every night,” Ms. Milley recalled. “It's hard to get a weeping child to take in math problems. They are tired. They shouldn't be working a second shift.”
It's not as if, the couple pointed out, they don't value education. They know firsthand the work involved in earning university degrees. But they wanted the academic work done at home to be on their terms, based on where they knew their children needed help. Brittany, for instance, was struggling with spelling, but “we never had any time to focus on that because she had so much homework,” Ms. Milley said.

And there were plenty of frustrating nights, she said, when her kids were so tired, “we'd stand over them, saying, ‘write this, write that.' ” If that's what families are doing, she asked, “how do the teachers even know whose work they are marking?”

Two years ago, Ms. Milley began collecting studies on homework, most of which suggest that, particularly for younger grades, there is no clear link between work at home and school performance. Working with the staff at St. Brigid Elementary Junior High School, she formed a homework committee, although no firm changes resulted. This fall, the couple began negotiating the legal document that decided the matter.

“We think it's a parent's right to choose what's in our children's best interests,” said Ms. Milley.

“But we're thankful the school did the right thing.”

Prompted by issues raised by parents, the Calgary Catholic School District is officially reviewing its homework policy to create more concrete guidelines for schools. Other parents and teachers have worked out homework deals, although more informally. “We know it's not one size fits all,” said Tania Younker, a district spokesperson.

The contract the Milleys and their children signed doesn't go just one way. While preventing teachers from giving penalties when homework isn't done, it also puts clear expectations on the students and their parents – to practice a musical instrument, for instance, and read daily, two activities more clearly linked to academic success, Ms. Milley suggested, than racing through leftover schoolwork. And the parents agreed to make sure their children have “opportunities” to review class work and study for tests. (Although that may as well be homework, Ms. Milley observed wryly, noting that, by her count, Spencer, has had roughly 28 quizzes and tests in about 38 class days of Grade 7.) The bottom line: the Milley kids won't be doing any school-assigned work at home any time soon, although Jay, now in first year university, must resign himself to being a trailblazer for his younger siblings.

“Why were we putting our family through that stress,” wondered Ms. Milley. “If we don't want it all, we shouldn't have to have it.”

Amusement Park Art Projects!

Take a look at our cooperative art work!

More great work, Grade 2A!! Keep it up. . .

Grammar/ Puzzles and more

Pronouns:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks1bitesize/literacy/pronouns/index.shtml

Proper Nouns

http://www.ricecookerstudios.com/assets/animation/anim00A.swf

Common / Proper Nouns

http://www.harcourtschool.com/activity/basketball/index.html

Word Plays

http://pbskids.org/lions/games/wordplay.html

Puzzles :

http://www.mathsisfun.com/puzzles/jigsaw-puzzles-index.html

Organizing data

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks1bitesize/numeracy/data/index.shtml

Good ol' parenting advice (from a recent article in the Muslim Link)

World-seasoned educator shares knowledge with Ottawa

Staff Writer

If there is was just one line that would sum up Maria Khani’s perspective on the role of parents in their children’s lives, she says it’s this one, found written on a t-shirt during one of her many trips:

"Don’t blame me, blame my parents!"

In other words, parents are responsible for how their children turn out, says the educator, activist, and world-traveler.

Khani, who currently resides in the U.S., was in Ottawa on a personal visit in May and she offered to share her experiences and reflections with the community.

An engaging storyteller, Khani filled the ears of audiences with advice ranging from how to make your child love to get up in the morning (without wanting to hit you with a pillow), to how to instill a love of Islam in his or her heart.

Here’s are some of her tips:

1- Play

Quoting a saying of Imam Ali, may God be pleased with him, where he says children should be played with until the age of seven, after which they are disciplined for a further seven years, and then befriended for the next seven years, Khani suggest ways to do it.

For example, prayer times should be a time of great joy for young children, not something that is rushed. Parents can tickle and play on the prayer mat and display affection before starting, so that children have a positive association with this important ritual.

2- Love

Parents can nurture love within the home and love for Allah and His Prophet through gentleness and warmth.

Pick up the Quran, take your child in your arms and read together. Ask him or her to point out words they know or that you want them to learn.

Move beyond memorization alone, and capture your child’s imagination by telling them the stories that would make a typical fairy tale pale in comparison. Flying creatures? Al-Buraq. Miraculous objects? A Pen, which wrote about everything that would happen. Look for topics that would engage children – study the animals in the Quran and work on crafts that relate back.

Make the adhan a fixture in your home.

3- Encouragement & Support

Respect is key to the success of any family, and translates to communities where children are heard and are encouraged to participate. This starts at home. Parents should make time for their children – why do teachers often know more about our own children than we do? If that’s the case, more time with your child is in order.

Respect your child’s needs. No one likes to get up in the morning and immediately head to work, for example. Give children at least one hour and a half before they have to leave the house, or start an activity. How best to wake them up? Massage them, kiss them – make waking up a bonding activity that everyone looks forward to. Make sure children are well fed before starting the day.

4- Teach generosity

Encourage children to share with others. Only buy them what theyneed, not what they want. Let them give of their time and their effort, and they will soon prefer to give, rather than receive.

5- Muslim versus mainstream

Make Eid an awesome party. Talk about the point of celebrating achievements – for birthdays, celebrate mothers who achieved giving birth and raising children! Show how every day is St. Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, through promoting love and respect in the family.

Teach about sensitive issues – like sex education – through references to the Qur’an and Sunnah (which a parent can slowly impart between grades 4 to 7). Other health topics from the Seerahinclude information on how to keep bodies clean.

For daughters, show the honour of hijab, emphasizing its beauty as something a woman voluntarily does for the sake of Allah. Mothers should talk about how they feel about their hijab, and share their own experiences with it.

6- Father’s Role

Parents should consult each other on how to raise their children. In Surah Al Baqarah, Allah Talks about the decision to wean a child as one that both parents should make.

". . . but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them," (Quran, Chapter 2, verse 233)

Nowadays, many fathers have given up this responsibility, but it is important for them to remain involved in the upbringing of their children.

7- Remember the goal

When Prophet Zachariah called on God to grant him a son, he wanted someone to carry on the Prophetic tradition. The aim of having a child was to raise someone up who would carry on the mantle of righteousness.

"And surely I fear my cousins after me, and my wife is barren, therefore grant me from Thyself an heir, Who should inherit me and inherit from the children of Yaqoub, and make him, my Lord, one in whom Thou art well pleased." (Quran, Chapter 19, verses 5-6)

Remember, Prophet Noah lost his son because his son’s actions had cut him off from his own father (which shows that ultimately, even the best parent cannot be sure of the outcomes.)

"[God] said: O Nuh! surely he is not of your family; surely he is (the doer of) other than good deeds, therefore ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge; surely I admonish you lest you may be of the ignorant. "(Quran, Chapter 11, verse 46)

Raise your children with love and kindness, and pray that God will save us all.

Imaginary animals project: Part Two!

Thanks Grade 2A for all your hard work! It was great to hear about everyone's imaginary animal!

Chocolate Chip Granola Recipe (A popular class reward!!)

The students asked me to post this recipe, of last Friday's class reward:

Chocolate Chip Chewy granola bars

4 and a half up quick-cooking oats

1 cup flour

1 t/spoon of baking powder

1 t/spoon of baking soda

1/3 cup of brown sugar

3/4 cup of softened margerine or butter

half a cup of honey

1 cup of raisins or chocolate chips (add in final stage)

mix all together very well.

flatten it into a greased, large cooking tray. Cook on about 375-400 approx. 15 mins. Check often to avoid burning. When the edges are brown, it should be close to being ready. Test the middle - if too soft, leave a few minutes longer, but don't wait until hardened.

Take out of oven, let cool 15 minutes. Cut pieces, let sit for another 10 minutes. Then ready to serve.

May Allah Put blessings in all your food, ameen.

wa'Salamu Allaykum

p.s. The remaining animal presentations will be taking place on Monday, insha'Allah. More photos will also be posted soon! Jazak'Allahu Kheiran for your great work, Grade 2A!

Our imaginary animals. . . part one : )

Assalamu Allaykum!

Here are some of the imaginary animals created by our class, masha'Allah : ) More pictures of other animals will be posted soon . . .

Imaginary animals galore!

Watch and listen to the story at the following links (with parental supervision, please : ) :

Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHEewDRN7F8

Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RLLQ96VpKE&feature=related

Enjoy!

Find the gecko....

Assalamu Allaykum,

Unfortunately, my children are ill so I wasn't at school yesterday, nor will I be in today, but el Hamdullilah they have a wonderful substitute teacher who will continue to offer them work to expand their little minds, insha'Allah!

* * *

As you know, the students have been assigned to create their own imaginary animal. They will present their animal to the class, and share the following information:

a/ Its made-up name

b/ Its type - mammal, reptile, insect, amphibian, fish or bird.

c/ Its habitat

d/ Its life cycle

e/ What it eats and how

f/ How its mother cares for it

g/ Its characteristics: skin, colour, backbone or not, etc.

h/ If it can camouflage

i/ How humans can protect it from becoming extinct

We have discussed these various elements of animal life during class, and so this assignment brings all of their knowledge together in a fun and imaginative way, insha'Allah. Please contact me if you require any further clarifications.

*******Please note that I will provide students with further instructions on presenting to the class on Monday, so the presentations will not begin on that day as previously indicated; however, students will be asked to present later on that week. Further details to follow. *******

In the meantime, for a little inspiration, here are some amazing pictures of geckos in camouflage! Enjoy!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1220498/Can-twig-lizard-Play-Spot-Gecko-series-pictures.html

Jazak'Allahu Kheiran,

Tr. Amira

Parenting Advice

Raise Your Kids without Raising your Voice

(Summary of a seminar by Sarah Chana Radcliffe)

Speaker’s website: www.parentingadvice.com

· No doubt, we yell at our kids because we love them and because we care.

· When we express our anger towards our kids, we start to notice short term effects on their behaviour (e.g. bedwetting, nail biting…etc). When anger is expressed more often, there will be a long term effect (e.g. depression, anxiety...etc).

· As we increasingly show anger, our relationship with our kids gets worse over time.

· There’s a certain amount of showing anger where the child still knows that they are loved by you. It is important that our children know that they are loved by us (the parent). The speaker emphasised that it is never too late regardless of what the past may be or how old the child is.

· When we yell at our kids, we are effectively yelling all the way down to our grandchildren; since it would reflect on our children’s behaviour/communication with their offspring. They will say things the way their parents did subconsciously and sometimes against their own will.

· The more your child likes you, the more s/he wants to be like you.

The speaker then talked about five rules to follow when it comes to our communication with our kids.

1. The 80/20 rule

o It should be observed at all times.

o You should have a ‘good feeling’ communication 8 out of 10 times we talk to our kids. With our teenage kids, it goes up to 9 out of 10!!

o examples of ‘good feeling’ communication: Smiling, acceptance, agreement, positive feedback, pleasant conversation, joking, playing, laughter…etc

o examples of ‘bad feeling’ communication: ignoring, negative feedback, arguments, yelling, fighting even if it is with other people like your partner or other sibling or outsiders…if the child is witnessing this…it would count as a negative communication!

o On average, parents/children communication is 94% negative.

o As working mothers ourselves, we only have two times to focus on…morning and after work + weekends/holidays…etc.

o Don’t waste your negative points/remarks…bank them as much as you can…chances are you’ll need to use them sometime J.

o The speaker suggested putting 8 pennies and 2 dimes in one pocket. So the logic is to move one coin to the other pocket with every comment where pennies are for positive remarks and dimes are for the negative ones. This way you can see where you’re at.

2. Emotional Coaching.

o There are five types of emotions (happy, sad, mad, scared, and confused). We expect our children to be happy all the time without accepting the full range of emotions. Which really means that we do not accept them (our kids)?!

o We should treat our kids like we like to be treated. For example, how would we like your partner to react to your ranting after a hard long day at work??? All we need is reassurance really (in other words encouraging the negative self talk). An example would be repeating what your child is saying back to him/her. So that child would say: I think I’m ugly!

- Really, you think you’re ugly??

- No, but I don’t like my hair!

– Oh, so you don’t like your hair…yeah…it must be difficult to not like your hair (all of that with sympathy of course). The speaker expressed how we as parents run away terrified of the negative emotions expressed by our children and that we don’t really want to hear that they are anything else but happy. Yet we need to be able to let our children clear off their emotions by letting it out while we listen with sympathy. So the first step would be accepting the feeling (it’s not a problem to be not happy). So after naming the feeling we stop…PERIOD! And avoid using ‘but’ because the word ‘but’ would invalidate whatever you said before.

3. The CLR method (C= comment, L = label, R = reward)

o When our kids are little, they listen to us so attentively à the parent is really like a hypnotist.

o To correct a child, use the opposite word of what the negative behaviour is. So, if the kid is rude, you would not say don’t be rude, but instead say I want you to be polite. So make a list of the things you want your child to be/do and use these words.

o Correction is considered a mild type of negative communication. So even though saying: “I want you to be polite/speak to me politely” is still in the negative communication side; it is considered necessary.

o Comments include appreciation, praise, acknowledgment.

o Put a label to good behaviour. NOTE: it doesn’t matter what type of grammar we utilize when we use negative labels because it is retained in the brain as such. So saying something like: what you do is bad instead of saying you are bad would not cut it.

o Reward the brain instead of punishing. So if the behaviour is new, you can reward it, but thin it out with time. If the behaviour is good but not new, you can stick to the CL.

o Use consequences to discipline while guiding and teaching. Don’t wait until you get upset and then start yelling when things are not going in the right direction.

o Think of giving consequences like a police officer would when ticking you for a speeding ticket. The officer is polite and isn’t angry or yelling. And at the receiving end, we are still polite (because if we are aggressive/yelling/spitting/kicking we could end up in jailà so bigger offence automatically translates to bigger consequences). We also wouldn’t through the ticket away because that could mean paying more $$ and probably ending up in jail in the long run.

o Consider the age group when setting rules around offences and consequences (warnings, tickets, jail time, taking things away….etc)

o Three ways to go to jail: (1) disrespecting authority (2) not paying tickets (3) dangerous/disruptive behaviour. Everything else is worth a ticket. How long in “jail”? Not more than 24hrs.

4. The two times rule.

o If we repeat things more than twice, we start to get upset.

o Step 1: ask your child to do/not do something once the first time.

o Step 2: give a warning and name the consequence the second time.

o Step 3: give the ticket and STICK TO IT!

o NOTE: never punish a child without giving a warning first, no matter how grave the offence is (even if the offence is breaking an expensive chandelier).

o There will be no harm or trauma with consequences. However, anger could cause trauma. For example: no name calling à offender will stand facing the wall and count à no chocolate cake at dinner à implement the consequence and stick to it.

o If the behaviour is not improving, then change the consequence. Think about it this way; if the parking ticket is not high enough or similar to a day parking fee, then we might decide to park and get the ticket anyway.

5. The relationship rule.

o I only give respectful communication and I only accept respectful communication in return. I don’t raise my voice/roll eyes/slam doors to you then you don’t do this to me as well. Trick is: can you say the first part??